Pain, Stigma & Gender in Healthcare

[3 minutes read]

I recently read Pain and Prejudice by Gabrielle Jackson and found it illuminating and enraging. The book is a combination of memoir and research-based social and medical criticism, and it left me horrified yet determined.

I was especially struck by the huge gaps in medical research about and with females and women. Learning about how the male mind-body has been rendered prototype by our medical system, makes one question a lot about their training.

Pain and Prejudice thoroughly exposes the history of hysteria, revealing how medicine in general, and psychiatry in particular, has weaponized women’s and female diagnoses over generations.

This history has initially brought sadness to my gut, a twisting discomfort and heaviness about all those people over the history who have been gaslit, ignored, institutionalised, and abused, due to their mind-bodies.

I am left with more than sadness though, because as a disabled psychologist I feel a responsibility, which is also my great privilege, to change how we do healthcare.

After reading Pain and Prejudice I also read Laura Pettenuzzo’s short memoir piece about BPD which reveals how medical stigma affects disabled women, especially when they have a BPD diagnosis.

We can no longer accept healthcare that treats any human as less than. We must demand equitable healthcare for everyone. As both Pain and Prejudice and Pettenuzzo’s piece demonstrate, women and girls’ conditions have been, and still are, widely ignored and weaponised.

Although we don’t have enough research yet to support many people who experience conditions such as endometriosis and ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, we sure have enough humanity to do our very best to try.

For me, this means constantly examining my unconscious biases, and avoiding generalisations in support and education. It means questioning research that I read, searching for and always amplifying living and lived experiences. It means I look at everything with a question mark – asking why people are experiencing their lives and bodies, and how they would like things to change.

Practising healthcare in a non-judgemental, and critical thinking manner, is every health and allied health professional’s responsibility. As practitioners, we have the power to change the unjust history of stigma, gender and pain.

I continue to work every day to make Kultivate the safe place you deserve. For those of us who have been excluded from medical treatment, research and society as a whole, there is nothing more important than knowing we are safe.

My greatest dream is for every person to feel safe to get their needs met. Everyone deserves to thrive.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist, Writer, Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director

Make the most of the online disability community

[4 minutes read]

A few of my clients recently tolds me about the negative experiences they had with other disabled people, mostly online. The online space is filled with wonderful things and people, but it is also, just like our real world, filled with ableism, trauma and internalised ableism.

My personal experience with the disability community has been dotted with wonderful moments of joy, acceptance, understanding, camaraderie, validation, and bonding, while sprinkled with the exposure to internalised ableism, trauma dumping, inspiration porn, anger, and even bullying.

It took me a few years to learn how to manage the complexity of the online disability space. I am still learning of course, especially within the rapidly changing online world, yet the following tips can be useful as a guide for any online space you are in or considering joining.

Spot the ableism – before or upon joining an online space or group, spend some time observing the content others are creating or sharing. Ableism without warning, or internalised ableism that goes unacknowledged, are red flags. For instance, I recommend staying away from a group filled with people sharing their grief about their children being disabled.

Search for balance – online (just like physical) spaces for disabled people should have some balance between the hard stuff like discrimination with the beautiful stuff like disabled pride or joy.

Check who has created and manages the space – online spaces created by and for disabled people are more likely to be useful for fellow disabled people. They are more likely to be balanced, and add value to your disabled life.

Set yourself some guiding principles – to manage the ableism you inevitably will come across. For instance, avoid looking at particular groups after dark, to make sure you don’t get intense emotional responses before bedtime. Other principles you can consider are calling out ableism only when you have available support through the day to debrief.

Know when to leave – give yourself permission to leave a space at any time if it stops being useful for your wellbeing. There is nothing wrong with unfollowing someone or leaving a group that makes you feel worse or is contributing to your internalised ableism for instance. It is useful to think about the big picture. If you leave most spaces, it may be useful to search for an alternative to make sure you stay connected and well.

The online space has given so many of us the ability to connect with fellow disabled people, to learn about ableism, find our voice, form friendships and nurture our special interests.

If you are looking for a safe and nurturing space to connect with other disabled people, check out our groups here and register your interest to join the next one.

You deserve to feel safe and connected, no matter where you are.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist, Writer, Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director

Disability adjustment & you

By Liel Bridgford [3 minutes read]

Is it normal to be anxious or depressed when you live with disability or when you just received a new diagnosis or experience a relapse?

*[a white disabled person traveling in their wheelchair on a bike path on a road, their crutches connected to the back of the chair, as they’re heading towards a pedestrian crossing.]*

It’s a really understandable to be sad and angry, confused or anxious. But, you don’t have to feel like that forever.

You can reach a point where you can live well with disability. It is possible to be happy and adjusted while living with disability.

To get there, you can work on practicing acceptance. This starts with talking about how you feel, with allowing yourself to experience the grief and shock with someone that you feel safe with.

It is also normal for grief responses to return when we experience a relapse, or new symptoms or receive an additional diagnosis. If this happens for you, it doesn’t mean you are back in ‘square one’ or will never be happy again. All it means is that you have a natural response to a difficult situation, while living in an ableist society that reinforces your internalised ableism.

Each time a response like this appears, practice making room for it, creating art with it, talking about it and practice self-compassion to help get through this difficult time. Self-compassionate actions can include anything from a positive mantra like ‘I’m here for myself’, to taking time off responsibilties, to eating your favourite snack.

Learning disability acceptance tools and practicing regularly will help you adjust to changes more effectively and live more meaningfully – no matter your diagnoses, no matter your symptoms.

Having the right support around you is also key. Take your time to think about what you need, what you are missing and reach out whenever possible. Social connections, finding your people and having the right help for your needs are also essential for your social and emotional wellbeing. You can start by reaching out to a GP, friend, or online support groups for disabled people.

Eventually you can reach a point of living well and meaningfully with disability. You most definitely deserve to.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist, Writer, Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director

International Day of People With Disability

By Liel Bridgford [4 min read]

On December 3rd 2024 I spoke in front of an awaiting audience my favourite topic – mental health of people with disability. It was the perfect way to celebrate International Day of People With Disability.

This was my first Key Note speech and the welcome I received from the hosts at St John of God Accord was phenomenal.

Here is a summary of my speech:

“I was an angry child. I was in my late twenties when I finally made the connection between being an unheard disabled kid and my persistent anger.

We get told by the society we live in, that we cannot possibly be well if we’re disabled.

But disabled people experience discrimination in our daily life and this of course impacts our quality of life and mental health.

Mental ill health is not our destiny. We often have poorer mental health because we live in a world that isn’t built for us.

The question that needs answering is not how can we live well with disability but how can we live well in an ableist world?

If we want to improve the lives and mental wellbeing of disabled people we need to change the world.

By the world I mean the society we live in, to become equitable and safe for every body and every mind.

But, while we are working towards changing the world, we also need individual support – so that we each live well in a world that isn’t built for us.

So how do we thrive with our mental wellbeing in this world? There are three pillars I’m suggesting we focus on.

The first pillar is formal support.

This support can include health, community and other professionals, and it needs to focus on removing barriers to participate equitably in society and thrive.

The support should aim to increase our quality of life – not focussing solely on our limitations, but consider our personal goals, dreams, aspirations and our strengths.

The second pillar of living well and improving our mental health as disabled people is social connections.

Finding our people can be hard. Sometimes even being around others is difficult, and the spaces people spend time in are often inaccessible.

When I was growing up, I did have friends. But there was so much all my friends did that I couldn’t do. And it left me feeling like an outsider.

I believe that we need social connections both within and outside the disability community. When we pretend like we don’t belong to the disability community, we are feeding into our internalised stigma. We also miss out on opportunities to learn, to laugh, to heal.

I often hear in my practice: ‘People don’t get it’.

This is where the third pillar for mental wellbeing comes in – engage better.

This pillar helps us build and sustain the first two pillars and our mental wellbeing overall. Engaging better is about improving our skills that lift our wellbeing.

I’m going to tell you about the skills I believe are most important, which is why I called them the building blocks of the third pillar.

Asking for help is the first building block of engaging better.

As disabled people, we need to ask for help so much more because we live in a society that doesn’t automatically accommodate our needs.

The second building block of engaging better is communication.Not only we may struggle with communication because of our disability experience, but as disabled people we need to have better communication skills than non-disabled people.

Our third building block for engaging better is acceptance. It’s about learning how to be uncomfortable, and at the same time, be ok.

The fourth building block is managing disability tax. We need to manage and address disability tax to make sure we minimise it as much as possible, manage our time the best we can, and get the supports we need to ensure we still have space for meaning and purpose.

The fifth building block of engaging better, which is my favourite, is meaning and purpose. To optimise our mental health we want to experience joy, self confidence and positive emotions. [2] We need to do things that matter to us, to behave in a way that makes us feel proud.

The next building block in the engage better pillar is self compassion. To best live through all of these external and internal challenges, and look after our mental wellbeing, we need self-compassion.

The final building block we need to mention, and I’m going to put it at the very bottom of the pillar, because without it, we can really struggle with all of those skills.

A crucial building block in engaging better to improve our mental wellbeing, is understanding and managing our internalised ableism.

Internalised ableism is the common denominator that gets in our way to practice all of these! Without managing this, you can see how the pillar kind of falls down.

Internalised ableism is the collection of the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that are rooted in the discrimination and prejudice against disabled people.

When we learn to recognise, name, and manage our own unique collection, it makes it possible to be more compassionate towards ourselves, more accepting, to find meaning and overall engage better. “

There was more to this speech, which if you’re interested you can listen and watch here.

What I particularly enjoyed was connecting with fellow disabled people and the people who support them.

Thank you again to St John of God Accord for having me, and to Nillumbik Shire Council for the grant making this event possible.

Until the next IDPWD, let’s all find small moments of celebrating disability pride.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist, Writer, Educator

Kultivate Founder and Director

Speaking up – A 2024 Wrap Up

By Liel Bridgford [2 min read]

Speaking up is not always easy, while it is always a privilege.

Last year was a busy one, and some of my favourite moments happened while speaking about my passions: disability rights, accessibility, mental health, disability justice and more.

Below are some of those highlights.

In March I interviewed Hannah Diviney about her memoir. Connecting with the audience was best part about that event – hearing the impact of our words on others is always special.

On the podcasting front, I was recently interviewed on the podcast Disability Disrupters – a New Zealand based podcast about disrupting the status quo in disability. It was a pleasure to speak with Pam, and connect over our shared experience of working in the health sector. Pam asked interesting questions, and my favorite was what would I change in the disability sector.

On the radio front, I spoke with ABC about gossip and imposter syndrome, both were short and sweet interviews. I particularly enjoyed talking about imposter syndrome in light of the imposter syndrome workshop I facilitated through Writers Victoria. Facilitating that workshop was definitely a highlight from the year, as I combined my passions for mental health and writing.

Another highlight of 2024 was speaking with Jasper Peach on Able radio, when I got to talk about the importance of mental health support for disabled people and how to find the right support for you.

On a cool June evening a group of writers gathered at Doncaster library and I facilitated workshop about managing ableism, internalised ableism and writing consistency. It was a beautiful evening of connection, thinking and redefining meaning.

When I arrived at the Channel 31 studio for my interview with ALL IN I have to admit that I felt a little nervous. The experience was wonderful and as I moved away from the studio after speaking about mental health, disability justice and immigration, I felt a huge sense of pride.

In December to celebrate International Day of People With Disability and finish off the year, I had the great privilege of delivering my first keynote speech at St John of God Accord.

There have also been many other moments of speaking up and advocating this year- from social media, to my kids school, to professional meetings and everything in between.

It is with great hope that I conclude speaking up for 2024. I hope our words reach someone who needs to hear them.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist, Writer, Educator

Kultivate Founder and Director

Empathy during an election campaign

By Liel Bridgford [3 min read] – the following piece was first published by Powerd Media.

There is a lot missing from this election campaign, but none more important than empathy.

You want an effective leader who will do something about the issues you care about. Whether it’s cost of living, family violence, disability or mental health, in order for our leaders to take effective action, they need to have the willingness to listen and understand others’ point of view.

Our leaders rarely live through our daily struggles of navigating public transport, or disability support services. To properly fund and direct these essential social structures, they must be able to understand what you are going through.

Even if you don’t need such services now, sooner or later government policies will affect your life – in retirement, when falling ill or starting out a business. If you want social systems to work for you when you need them most, we need empathetic leaders.

Regardless of a representative’s own background or where they position themselves on the political spectrum, they must be able to think outside of their own personal experiences. No non-disabled person will ever fully understand what it’s like to navigate the world when it’s not made for you, but they can try.

As a disabled migrant, when I heard Peter Dutton’s comments about immigration, I could tell he has not listened to the immigrant and refugee communities.

A leader who talks about your priorities but lacks willingness to listen to experiences outside of their own, is unlikely to be an effective leader.

An empathetic leader is more likely to be motivated by the greater good. They are more likely to promote policies based on what people need, because empathy is a motivating emotion. Importantly, empathy improves the effectiveness of leaders.

Empathy will also allow our society to thrive by improving life for our disadvantaged. An empathetic leader who works to meet the needs of our marginalised people, will help our entire society to thrive.

When people’s needs are met, they are far more likely to be a part of our community. Conversely, when people struggle, they are more likely to behave in an antisocial manner. When people are excluded, discriminated against and disenfranchised, they are far more likely to become antisocial, which of course hurts all of us.

Empathy in our voting, and in our leaders, will create a better society for us all. While my communities are often under attack in this campaign, I hold onto the hope that we all have capacity for empathy.

“When I cast my vote, I will be thinking of our leaders’ empathy, and I hope you will too.”

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist | Writer | Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director

2025 Brenda Gabe Leadership Award

By Liel Bridgford [2 minutes read]

“When I was a kid, my time in the health system was filled with trauma.

My mission is to change the way we do healthcare – so that disabled people have the power and access they deserve and need to have the best healthcare and life.”

This was the start of my acceptance speech of the Brenda Gabe Leadership Award on Tuesday 27 May 2025.

WDV said “Liel has been improving the lives of women and gender diverse people with disability as a proud disabled psychologist, and by establishing a disability-specific psychological practice. Liel continues to improve access and acceptance of disabled women in mental healthcare through advocacy, education, writing, podcasting, interviews and social media presence.”

I continued, speaking to the crowd of the Members event of Women with Disabilities Victoria (WDV):

“This award is a proof that we can do it.

There are still many barriers, violence and even abuse of disabled women and gender diverse people in our healthcare system and I aim to be a small part of the wave of change to make the healthcare system safe and accessible for all.

Being here today reminds me of the power of our community to make sure disabled girls, women and gender diverse people are not left behind.

Thank you to WDV and the disability community that I am so proud to be a part of. I feel so honoured and privileged to have this opportunity.

I want to acknowledge my fellow nominees, all of whom do incredible work to make our lives better.”

My commitment to re-creating the healthcare system has started when I was a kid, and winning this award fills me with hopes, and fuels my dream of a safer, more accessible future for us all.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist | Writer | Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director

Energy Management when Fatigue is a Regular Visitor

By Liel Bridgford [4 Min read]

Fatigue for Disabled People

Fatigue is one of the most common experiences for disabled people. There are many reasons why disabled people might experience fatigue and difficulties managing energy. For example:

Fatigue is a symptom of many conditions
Living in a world not built for us creates additional barriers and energy expending tasks
Disabled people need to communicate our needs more frequently than non-disabled people, which uses more energy
Many disabled people have experienced traumas in their life, and the impacts of these can affect our energy
Sleep issues are common when we experience pain, physical discomfort or incontinence, all common for disabled people
Neurodivergent people often have varying sleep and focus experiences, which can impact fatigue

The Barriers to Manage Fatigue

There are endless barriers that can get in the way of managing our fatigue, but many fit into one of the following categories:

Fatigue itself! The constant experience of being fatigued can get in the way of implementing any change in our life.
Not enough supportive people who can help encourage us along the way
Competing demands on our time and energy
Financial barriers or need to work more than is sustainable
Past experiences of trying to address fatigue that have been unsuccessful
Thoughts and feelings that everything is ‘too much’ or that changes are not ‘worth it’ for the effort
Difficulty tolerating the discomfort of changing our routine

Where to start

To manage your energy and fatigue most effectively, it is important to start with the following:

Identify the contributing factors to your fatigue.Whether it’s a symptom, competing demands, poor sleep quality, or weather, identifying what adds to your fatigue is useful.
Get to know your fatigue and energy patterns. This includes learning which activities spend the most energy for you, and which recharge your batteries. It can also involve understanding the impact of weather, noise, and stress on your fatigue. Start by tracking your energy levels and activities for a week.
Identify your barriers to addressing fatigue. Using the list above as a guide, write down what you have tried before, what worked or didn’t, and what would help you improve your fatigue management. It can be useful to ask yourself something like ‘If I had all the support I need, what would that look like?’

Implement Effective Strategies

There is no magic formula that will make your fatigue disappear, but there are strategies that can make a difference in the long term.

After you have identified the contributing factors to your fatigue, understood your patterns of energy and fatigue, and wrote down your personal barriers, you are ready to implement the following strategies:

Identify a small, initial goal, and the barriers to achieving it. Your goal can be for instance to address one of the things that make your fatigue worse, and the barriers are the things that stand between you and achieving that goal now. Keep making your goals smaller and smaller until you feel very confident to be able to achieve it within a few days.
Use a pacing system that suits you. My personal favourites are the Spoons Theory and the traffic light system. The traffic light pacing system divides your activities into three categories according to the level of energy you spend doing them: high (Red), medium to neutral (Yellow), and restorative activities (Green). This allows you to balance your schedule according to your energy, thereby sustaining your energy for longer. Use our Traffic Light System tool to help you implement this in your life.
Optimise sleep hygiene – although many people experience fatigue even when sleeping well, sleep hygiene affects our sleep quality and quantity, which in turn impacts fatigue and energy management. Review your bedtime habits, and gradually improve your sleep routine as needed. Focus on one small change at a time, implementing it for a few days before introducing another. For example, start by removing your phone from the bedroom, then introduce a no-screen 30 minute gap before bed. Go to The sleep foundation for more.
Simplify and reduce your load – although it sounds simple, this is one of the most effective, but often-missed strategies for energy management. Focus on finding tasks you can delegate or delete, as small as they may be. For instance, some people ask for help from loved ones with laundry, or with organising social events. Write down at least three activities from your schedule which can be either removed or given to someone else. Even delegating tasks such as cleaning the toilet to another person can have a big impact in the long term.
Review how things are going regularly, and adjust what isn’t working.
Reach out for more support when you need it. You can start by contacting a disability friendly Psychologist.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist | Writer | Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director

Thriving After an MS Diagnosis: Three Pillars to Support Your Wellbeing

By Liel Bridgford [2 min read]

First published on the REACH-MS website.

Receiving a new diagnosis of a condition like Multiple Sclerosis (MS) can be a life-defining moment. Feelings of anxiety, anger, shock and sadness are common.

When people see us after a new MS diagnosis, they often experience intense anxiety about the future, and confusion about how to accept the new version of themselves.

Working through a new diagnosis takes time, but also support and the right tools. To adjust well, it can be helpful to think about the following three pillars of thriving.

The first pillar is formal support which can include a nurse, a psychologist or an occupational therapist for example. This is about making sure you have the people and environments around you to thrive. Who do you have in your life who is helpful to living well, and who else might you need?

The second pillar is social connections, and can include pets, partners, friends, colleagues or neighbours for instance. Who do you feel connected to? Is there someone you can reach out to when things get hard?

The final pillar for thriving is engage better – which is about improving our skills that support our wellbeing. These skills include asking for help, communicating our needs and accepting our diagnosis or symptoms.

To engage better, it can be helpful to practice self-compassion and manage our internalised stigma. What does your mind tell you about your diagnosis? Is there something kinder you can add? A simple mantra such as ‘I’m good enough just as I am’ can be a starting point.

With access to connections, support and effective tools – many people thrive. Having MS or any neurological condition is not the end – it can be the start of greater self-care, acceptance and connection with community.

If you don’t know where to start – reach out to a trusted GP or a disability-friendly psychologist.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist | Writer | Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director

Disability is Sexy, Not Shameful

By Liel Bridgford [4min read]

First published on Disability Rights and Culture Blog

In most of my memories of wanting, initiating or having sex as a young person, my disabled body played an important role.

I grew up as a disabled kid who was assigned female at birth. This meant that my thoughts about my leg being “abnormal”, “deformed” or “problematic” seeped into my body image, then my self-worth, then into how valuable I thought of myself in a romantic or sexual way.

As a teenager and young adult, I would often hide my leg, and be constantly on high alert to how people, especially boys, saw and perceived my leg.

The desperation to find a romantic and sexual partner I felt then lingered through my scarred bones for many years. For me, being desired sexually was a validation I desperately needed from the world around me. I craved feeling that I was enough, that I was ok, just as I was.

But this desperation was also complicated by intense fear and anxiety about people seeing my leg under the brace, watch me limp, or noticing my curled four toes.

In all my early sexual experiences I remember feeling equally exhilarated and afraid of being rejected for the parts of my body I could never change.

As many young women and gender diverse people, I have experienced countless sexual harassment, judgment and even abuse. Unlike non-disabled folks, my disability has multiple times left me more vulnerable to such abuse, for instance when a doctor examining my condition has abused me in his clinic, or when I could not quickly escape a harasser on my crutches.

From shame to pride

For me, developing my self-worth beyond my body has taken years. It has taken time and effort, as well as finding the right supports: a good psychologist, a loving and non-judgmental partner, friends, and a lively disability community.

I still vividly remember the moment my now-husband found out about my disability – and his response. He did not flinch or move away but kept our (admittedly flirty) conversation going. That was the moment I knew he was different from any other person I dated before.

In my late 20s I found answers online for questions I didn’t know I had. Coming across a group of people who share my physical disability has changed my relationship with my body so dramatically that for the first time in my life I felt “normal” – it was a sensation of relief, sadness and joy all mixed together.

One moment stands out in my journey when a fellow group member shared a photo of their leg, and it looked almost identical to mine. As a person without a fibula, four curled toes and endless overlapping scars on the shin from 18 operations – it was momentous. The simple picture brought shivers to my body and tears to my eyes — for the first time I was truly not alone.

With time and a lot of effort, I gradually shared my own story and body with the world. Connecting with many other disabled people and building a community of people who get it has allowed me to let go of the shame and build pride and confidence in myself.

It has not been an easy journey, but I am now open about my leg and rarely try to hide it. Feeling sexy and being disabled are not mutually exclusive. Having a body that is different does not make me less worthy of sexual attention, pleasure, and safety. In fact, being disabled has helped me feel empowered to be myself – in and out of the bedroom.

Sexuality and well-being for disabled people

Self-confidence in our disabled identity is crucial to our confidence with a potential or current sexual or romantic partner. And many of us disabled folks struggle with both.

Nowadays as a disabled psychologist, I get to have the privilege of supporting fellow disabled people to live well. Sex and romance is such an important part of our wellbeing, and so I was delighted to be invited to speak about sex, disability and chronic illness on the new SBS podcast series Love Without Limits.

I hope the episode – and this article – will help someone feel just a little more confident and empowered to be their sexy selves.

Tips for your romance and sex life when you’re disabled

My top tips for fellow disabled people:

Find your people – fellow disabled people you can talk to can help feel connected and desired
Communicate – work on communicating your needs and desires with family and friends and gradually build your ability to communicate with a partner about your sexual needs
Experiment – in whatever way is accessible to you, starting with self-exploration
Develop your confidence – in your disabled identity. Communicate about your disability to someone you trust, and practice advocating for yourself in different ways

If you are still having a hard time, I suggest reaching out to a disability-friendly support service such as a psychologist or sex therapist.

Liel Bridgford

Psychologist | Writer | Educator

Kultivate Founder & Director